You have a four or five year old. You take them somewhere fun, an art or dance class that they’ve always wanted to join. You’re responsive, gentle and affectionate. Yet your little one still struggles with separation anxiety. And that is normal, especially for their age. To your child, you’re the safest place they can be. And at that age, a lot of kids are already going through a lot of transitions.
They’re starting school. Spending the whole day away from home might be a new experience for them. Or they might be ok with it, but they still have anxious feelings about being in a new place. Sometimes, it’s a major change at home like one of the parents is no longer around all the time. Like, dad got a job overseas and now they only see them over the holidays. And sometimes it’s simpler than that. They were having a bad day, they’re tired or they’re hungry. A lot of little things can trigger an emotional response and the child needs to feel safe. Hence, the separation anxiety.
We’ve all been there. An anxious child is not a logical one. They need to feel safe first. We don’t chalk up their emotions to spoiled behaviour or overreacting. We validate their feelings and do our best to accommodate their needs.
If it’s a new place or activity they’re joining. We make sure they provide space for mom or dad to be around to ease the transition. Even if it’s only an hour long.
- Ask if they’ll let you stay with them for the first few minutes of the class to make sure your little one feels safe.
- Ask if they’ll let them come outside to see you if they need to.
- Ask if they will allow you to wait for them at a nearby place so they can find you if they need you. And please remember, it’s ok that your child needs you around, no matter how old they may be.
They’re still developing and learning to regulate their emotions. And you’re the source of their safety. As they learn and grow, it will get easier with time. As they find places and activities where they feel safe, heard and understood. And please remember, if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not right for your child, even if everyone else loves it. You’ve got this
